I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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