I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
