I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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