Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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