Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
