i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
