I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
