wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
