dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize