He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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