went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
