You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
