Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
the raccoons are back...
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