This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
