I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
