you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize