last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
