If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
