So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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