all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
