WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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