So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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