Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
