we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize