so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
