I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
