i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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