I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
