I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
