i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
