I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
