Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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