I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
