I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
