Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
