He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
