Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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