I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
