I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
