no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
