Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
even my farts smell like vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
