she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
