Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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