In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
