so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize