How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize