So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
