I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
