I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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