porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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