We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
