VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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