I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize