All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize