I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
