You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
