i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
