I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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