Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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