Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
