Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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