Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
a search helicopter?!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
