whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
