According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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