As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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