I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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