am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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