I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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