it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
