Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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